The begining of the end of the begining

When I woke up this morning I wasnt expecting to create this blog! I've been a thinker and a would-be-writer since the begining. I constantly scribble thoughts, quotes and ideas down on random pieces of paper, I have notepads half full strewn all over the place. I dont know why I keep most of them, I can barely read any of my jumble. It is always a mad rush to get all my thoughts out at once and then up and on to the next lot. I never seem to finish and thus only publish something in a moment of complete and utter compulsion in which I must declare to the world this or that. Which has been a good thing up until now. I give too much of myself away when I write. I don't know how to do it halfed arsed. I also don't know how to finish what I start.

The idea of In Search of My Creator has been with me for a few years. In all honesty I thought it was a book I would write. I knew it was a journey and it was laying dormant. Today I seemingly found out it is a blog, that I am to start now. Seems like a weird thing to take up atm, life is good but my head is full! I don't have time for this! But I search my heart and I know why today...beginings and endings and Gods perfect timing, graciousness and healing beyond what I can understand.

I am not going to say that God told me to begin this, I heard no audible voice, there was no lightning bolt peircing through my soul encounter. No, I'd describe it more as a persistant poking in my side from the Holy Spirit :) Like a little kid wanting to play, saying 'go on do it now' 'can't we play, please, please??'. The voice, the piercing, the poke, are they different or are they one and the same?? I guess this is the point...

So this is me taking time out and a step back. This is me stopping and embracing and absorbing Gods beauty, which today may mean pleasere and clarity, tomorrow maybe pain and confusion. Either way this is me experiencing and learning and attempting to live as I believe, that God meant it for good.

This is my search for God in my everyday, in my every moment. It’s my belief that seeking, believing, finding, loving and knowing God is a never ending journey and one that I’m okay with never fully understanding. It’s me striving to surrender the little I am and have. It's me saying to God 'Im yours' and I will no longer devaluate your presence by rushing the words that You give me. And I will give as much of myself away as is needed to write in Your truth.