That would be GROWTH.
I received an email from my mum a couple of days ago. Made me reflect on how self absorbed I can be. I guess it’s the cycle of life and when you have stuff going on you do get absorbed in it then have to deal with it, mend from it, re deal with it and try on with the mending again. With all this life stuff going on around me I completely missed a major shift in my little old mum. She asked me if I had heard of a certain fellow who has recently resigned from his Christian music ministry in the states and went on to say this
grieved her deeply as his music was the most
anointed she had heard. He had been unfaithful to his wife, possibly with a man. I won't mention his name, the real issue, this blog,
isn't about him. So I know nothing of this guy but before reading on in her email I thought to myself 'here we go' literally rolling my eyes and assuming she was going to come out with some offensive yet
extremely subtle fire &
brimstone jab. Not that she has done that for some time but after growing up in an
extremely homophobic bible bashing home old habits die hard and I found myself in extreme defense mode. To my
surprise I was humbled to read, and to quote her
"I am so saddened by all this but even more so as I think or have heard that the affair was with a man. If that is true I feel for him even more as he may have been through years of torture,trying to be what he is unable to be. There is so much we do not understand, but God certainly anointed him mightily and many healings and major touches came to people through his music" O-K-A-Y.
What really hit me was "trying to be what he is unable to be". To me and
basically the
equivalent of what I heard was "
Bec, I know you are gay, I don't understand it but I accept it. I love you and what matters is that you are
pursuing God" - whether she would ever say or mean that is another story but this is the first time I have ever heard her stop and admit that someone may be just 'gay'...no quoting bible verses, no hint of hopes of
deliverance from evil spirits, just real life experience...for once.
I'm pretty speechless at this point.
And not only that but her acknowledging a 'possible' gay man has had God's
anointing and touched many people's lives. Again, whether this chap had an affair with a man or a woman is not the point. Whether he is gay or straight is not the point. The fact the if he was gay my mum's heart would bleed for him even more because she seems to have grown in some understanding that some people, her daughter included, are just gay.
I thank God that I am gay. It has allowed me to see the world from 'outside' the box. It has forced me to search for (and find!) my creator on my own without anyone
else's pre-conceived ideas. It has allowed me to be humble and experience grace as it should be and know that while I may be hated and misunderstood by the world, I am owned by a loving God and NOTHING will ever change that. I agree with my mum, there is so much we don't understand but we must trust that God is greater than what goes on in our limited human minds.
I know I have God's
anointing on my life, I can barely comprehend what that even means or will look like for my future but I know it is true.
You can have peaceful discussions, arguments, present the truth and it will do no good, ignorance is a tough nut to crack. I have grown
ALOT over the years or more like grown-shrunk-grown-grown-shrunk-grown
haha but I was the one faced with being a Christian and being gay, I had to deal with that. I rarely stop to consider what my Christian parents went through having to face up to having a gay child. And not just that but a gay child that professes the love and need for Christ in her life. I'm sure it was and will continue to be tough. But it's undeniable, positive growth is happening on all fronts. And with that comes healing, for everyone
involved. I
am
blessedbeyondbelief that God allowed me to reconcile the two. For some the only way to deal with they gay part of them is to deny Christ. For others the burden is too heavy and they end their life believing they were a mistake and because they are gay they are worthless in Gods eyes.
It's probably not that uncommon to miss the lives of those we effect. I've had
afew people impact my life who
don't even know my name yet their influence is forever etched on my heart. Here's to growth!Our personal and spiritual walk with Christ!Here's to the hearts and lives who have changed us without the knowing and in turn the lives we have changed and are changing in the same.
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